I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
