He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
