Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
