you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
