did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
