pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
