i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
