I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
