I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
