I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
