I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
