why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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