My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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