you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
