There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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