Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If that was your dad, he is hot
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
