he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
