I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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