So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
