At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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