He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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