I got chris browned last night
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
