Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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