the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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