Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I need a beard to bite.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
