his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
