I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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