I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
