and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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