I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
