my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
