you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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