new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
