Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
