He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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