so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
