Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
