All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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