yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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