someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
