dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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