1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
