I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
