I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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