im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
