My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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