Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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