so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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