Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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