first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
