Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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