Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
