At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
