I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Two words: blizzard sex
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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