It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
