Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
