Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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