Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
